Something Pointless (or No Title Yet)
by Pythia
Summary: *chapter 7 uploaded* What happens when Harry receives a rather… clingy… bracelet with a mind of its own— which just happens to take particular delight in shouting out whatever he’s thinking? //SLASH//
1. Something-Lacking-A-Title-1

~*This is **SLASH**, remember? You do? Good.*~

My annoying muse, HP (Herschel-P) married DM (Deranged Mentality), so he is now a permanent guest in my head. Unfortunately, Hersch was impregnated. The monsters spawned some hideous, happy, hopping horrors of plot bunnies. The now cloud my mind, refusing to leave. I think this fic would be the maturing 3rd child (?).

Sooooo... I don't own 'em. I just want to. Very badly. And...

//…// - Harry's widdle thoughts, I think…

~*…*~ - side comments from me, if any

\\…\\ - Draco's widdle thoughts, if any

  
  
~*This is cheesy— Parmesan, actually.*~

***

Harry's eyes cracked open slightly, then widened. His lips quirked up in a smile, as he sat up in bed.

_//Today is going to be a perfect day!//_

He shifted his position on the bed and let his legs dangle on its side, before settling his full weight on his feet. He promptly jabbed his toe on something as he took a step forward.

"Bloody hell!"

_//Or not.//_

Harry sighed, picking up the object on the floor. It was a dark grey box; small, but quite heavy. There was a note jabbed under the container's lid. He pulled it out, careful not to rip it.

Emerald orbs scanned the scrap of parchment hurriedly.

_Harry Potter,_

_ Something special— from an admirer._

The raven-haired boy had seen the handwriting before, but couldn't place it at the moment. Letting the message flutter to the ground, he flipped the dull-coloured top open.

There was a silver bracelet sitting on a plush velvet cushion. It looked almost like a handcuff, but without the chain. It was thick and seemed to glitter malevolently in the sun. Lips were carved deeply into it, set without expression.

Harry reached out tentatively, gingerly hooking the cold metal between his fingers. It gave an abrupt lurch and, suddenly enlarged, slipped onto the boy's wrist. Before even realizing what had happened, the **THING** shrank back to its original size with a nasty (and loud, mind you) click.

The young wizard blinked, not registering anything that had taken place. That is, until he finally regained _some_ of his lost state of mind…

"GAH!!!"

He let out a startled yelp, tripping backwards and falling gracefully on his butt with a resounding thud.

_//'Or not' was definitely an understatement.//_

_***_

Very short. Very stupid. A bunch of Very's that are anything but nice. Oh well. It's just the intro, anyway. There's time to improve, although I doubt it will.

Btw, Snape's Lingerie *tries not to laugh at the SICK name*, I'm REALLY sorry about insulting your fic! Hehehe... It was half mine, after all... ^_^

Oh, and R&R? I wouldn't mind if you didn't, but would be very happy if you did.


	2. Something-Lacking-A-Title-2

This is **SLASH**. Say it with me, now! **S-L-A-S-H**. Very good!

The notes from the last chapter count for this and the next ones, too (you know, the // and the \\ and the ~*). Did the things in the parenthesis make sense? No? Ok.

Now, as all of you know, THEY'RE MINE!!! BAWAHAHAHA! Did I mention I was a blatant liar?

Ummm... R&R? Just as before, I don't mind if you don't, but would be very happy if you did. Hey... Are you getting sick of that line? Good! Because you're gonna hear it again! And again! And again! And— oh, sorry, what was I saying?

~*Blue cheese. Why do I hate the stuff?*~

*** 

_//'Or not' was definitely an understatement.//_

Luckily, his nothing-short-of-9-AM-waker roommates were still snoring, so nobody had witnessed his little escapade.

_//It's not perfect, but at least there's SOMETHING good about it…//_

Harry didn't bother to get up after that, opting instead to just sit on the floor, glaring holes (or at least, _trying_ to) through the unsightly piece of jewellery. Cliché as it may sound, if looks could kill, the item wouldn't be dead. It would be a molten pile of drab silver.

After a few moments of useless glowering…

_//I HAVE to get this thing off…//_

A wise thought. For one thing, it was weighty. For another, it might be something from Voldemort— although he didn't think the Dark lord would stoop low enough to call himself Harry's admirer. Setting everything aside, though, there was _one_ concrete reason he needed it off. And fast.

It was so damn _UGLY_!

He growled, picking himself up off the ground.

Once he was standing steadily, he glanced at his friends around him.

Ron was covered head to toe with his blanket, using the maroon sheet as some kind of shield. The lad smirked, remembering Seamus's little freckle-fetish. But the Irish boy had long stopped (the night before, actually) harassing the redhead and was now curled up in Dean's arms and Dean's bed. The two looked like they had a tiring night… Full of… Extracurricular activities. And last, there was Neville. The only one of them who slept normally. Well, they _thought_ he slept normally, in any case.

Tearing his eyes away from the sleepers and walked towards the bathroom, grabbing some clothes and a towel along the way.

Yes, he would take a nice shower…

Think of ways to get the bracelet—

Holy _shit_.

The bracelet.

He clearly didn't want to take a bath with some _shackle_ about his wrist.

It was just… indescribably uncomfortable.

//Could things get worse?//

Yes, indeed-y-doo.

Gradually, though. Hehe.

Harry stepped out of the bathroom, fully clothed. His hair was still partly damp, stringy bangs shading his bright green eyes, which were shielded with glass inside black frames.

The others were_ still_ asleep, and he didn't bother trying to wake them up, for he knew that doing so would only succeed in getting them pissed at him.

He strode over to the door, pulling it open gently so as not to make a sound. You know, just in case?

A large fluffy projectile whacked the famous teen smack dab on the forehead. His eye twitching slightly, scanning the dormitory.

All were still snoring, but a pillow was missing from Ron's bed.

He snorted, then rolled his eyes. Muttering something incoherent under his breath, he marched out and closed the door behind him.

***

Harry sat between Ron and Seamus, blatantly ignoring Hermione's bar jokes…

~*snort*~

…in favour of something better to do. Like? The quest of ruining all the forks inhabiting Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

This mission, however, was not pointless. The Boy Who Lived had his purposes for mutilating the eating utensils. For example, stabbing the confounded bracelet until it changed its mind and parted ways with Harry.

Not working.

But Wonder Boy is… well… full of wonder…

~*chokes*~

and was quite determined to rid himself of the object.

One fork. Two fork. Three fork.

"Seamus, can I borrow your fork?"

"Uh…"

"Thanks."

A loud snap echoed through the Great Hall.

The black-haired teen quickly switched his fork with Ron's.

"I didn't do that…"

Ron merely raised an eyebrow at his friend.

The other boy grinned, then turned around, "Hey, Dean…?"

Dean's fork was nowhere to be seen.

He shrugged then turned to Hermione, who's fork wasn't visible either. In fact, _all_ the forks at the Gryffindor table had mysteriously disappeared. Well, ok, the students there just decided to protect their silverware from Golden Boy's Evil Clutches™.

He snorted audibly, then rose from his seat, then making his way towards the Ravenclaws. They, too, had no forks after being discreetly warned by Fred and George. Except for one, though…

"Can I borrow your fork, Cho?"

"Well…"

There was another snap, followed by the sound of clattering metal.

The young wizard moved to another table. Hufflepuff.

"Can I borrow you fork, Justin?"

He didn't even wait for a reply, and before long the shattering of silverware reverberated once more.

He gave up on the people there once he realized they were each clutching the utensils tightly.

~*there are only _so_ many synonyms for 'fork', so I decided not to use them very often because they sounded… out of place…*~

He trudged over to the Slytherins. Normally he wouldn't dare, especially since it was his…

~*super sexy*~

…archenemy's house. But today wasn't normal, so neither was his morning routine. Frankly, it was extremely _AB_normal. Why?

Because Harry walked straight up to Draco Malfoy.

"Can I borrow your fork, Draco?"

It was followed immediately by a flat…

"No."

//He's so… NO! Do. Not. Go. There.//

Harry stopped, the almost-thought tingeing his cheeks with red.

He shook it off, and stretched his hand out, when out of the blue, a squeaky and disconcertingly giggly voice arose from somewhere.

"Oh, oh, oh! So, you _like_ it when he gets like that don't you, Mr. Potter?"

Harry almost choked, spinning around to search for who had said it.

"No-no-no! Not _there_, silly! Down _here_!"

His eyes grew large, before ever so slowly lowering themselves to check the boy's wrist.

//You just _had_ to talk about things getting worse…//

The sight he was met with was _freaky_. The lips engraved on his _charming_ trinket, were _smirking_. Quite wickedly, I should say.

So freaky that the boy could do nothing else after that but open and close his mouth, much like what a landed fish would do.

"Close your mouth, hunny, you're catching flies!"

He used the base of his palm to push his jaw back up.

"Muuuuuuuch bette-ah!"

Harry couldn't help flinching at the comment.

Even though he was clueless, and almost didn't catch the words.

Did he know what to do?

//No, I _don't_ know what to do.//

"You don't? Then, run along now, and we can introduce me to your _wun_-derful housemates!"

He pivoted around numbly, clearly too shocked to do anything but obey, then trudged back to the Gryiffindors, sparing one last glance at Draco, who

~*was a damn sexy bitch!*~

…heard the bracelet's last comment before it was drowned out by noise…

"Oh! You're a _purrr_-vert! But yes, he _does_ look shaggable… "

…and who was left rather confused at the whole ordeal.

"…the fuck?" he muttered, before lapsing into silence. His quiet was only broken by a softly murmured realization.

"…Where's my fork?" 

***

That. Was. Abrupt. Longer, than I last one (I think), but just as bad... Improvement is late. Somebody out there— make him hurry up! ^_^

Care to keep me going with reviews? I thought not... *sigh* Oh well...


	3. Something-Lacking-A-Title-3

Riiiiight. I was actually already going to cut the notes short on the second chapter, but I think I forgot... But, gee, somebody so 'kindly' reminded me. Anyhoo, *looks at previous chapters* they're OOC? I didn't notice. I wouldn't because, being an ignorant author, I'm not supposed to. Does that make sense? Nah, I didn't think so... *smiles* Thanks for the great reviews (I _suppose_ my self-esteem went up, although I'm not quite sure because of... _other_ circumstances. *glares at so-called 'friends'*)!!! I love you guys (the reviewers, not the friends...)! And you, Slynedel, my dear, stupid, sweet, bitchy, loving, shitty frienemy, _do_ finish you fic. Thank you. 

Formalities: 

-Don't own 'em, but wish (in the name of peanut-buttered Oreos™) that I did. 

-This is **SLASH**. Don't go blaming/flaming me for not making some squicky Harry/Cho fic instead. 

~*Ummm... Gouda?*~ 

*** 

Harry trudged toward the Gryffindor table, too stunned to notice the curious stares following him. Not to mention the senseless babble the bangle was cheerfully bellowing. 

~*alliteration…?*~ 

"TellyTubbies? My, aren't you a _bit_ too _old_ for that?" 

…Seems like the bracelet thought his brain was a photo album. Or something of the sort… 

He paid no heed, though, as he felt legs get heavier and heavier with each step (while successfully ignoring the bracelet's whiny voice), and thanked whatever gods were out there for finally letting him reach his destination. 

He plopped down unceremoniously next to Hermione, who was looking at him strangely, after seeing that Fred had taken his seat. 

His head dropped on top of his folded arms almost immediately, resting idly before snapping up with a soft crack. 

~*Horror of horrors! Potter's broken his neck! No, wait. That was just my imagination. My mistake.*~ 

For two (LOUD) reasons. One: 

"He~y! I thought ya were going ta intro~duce meeeee!" 

Two: 

It giggled, and then… 

"Oo~h! You must be one of the Weasley twins!" 

Harry took a swig of his pumpkin juice, trying to think of something else besides his temporarily impaired ears. And what was causing the damage. 

"And there's the other one!" 

It suddenly addressed him, and once again it appears that Harry isn't as fortunate as he seems. 

"You were right, sug-ah! They are _hot_!" 

And there goes the pumpkin juice. And not only Harry's, at that. What a waste… 

"You have a twi~sted mind, ley-monrind. Personally, _I_ don't think that the juice looks like puréed intestines…" 

Then it gasped. 

"H-WELL! That was downright na~sty of ya! I don't even HAVE intestines!" 

Eyes turned to the boy, but he didn't seem to care. They expected to see irritation on his features, but he wore a murderous look, 

~*Oh my! _Golden Boy_ is looking murderous! That simply isn't _right_! He's supposed to be shining with moral correctness! I'm speechless!*~ 

lethal to the point that he appeared to be contemplating whether or not he should hack his wrist off. 

"But it kinda reminds me of your ickle boytoy's hair… What was his name… Oh _YAH_! Ron." 

That aggravated him even more (a _lot_ more, even), making him shake his head violently, probably attempting to compose himself. Then gazed up, eyes avoiding the armlet. 

"_What_?" He asked calmly, emerald orbs burning. 

~*Did somebody say clichéd analogy?*~ 

"You heard me, dah-ling. And you have no right to think about me like that! I happen to be from a very well-to-do line of magical artifacts! FAR from trash! Hmph." 

Harry's almightily pissed look at those comments cued an abrupt departure from Hermione, who had a look of thoughtfulness crossing her features as she stood. She left everyone to wonder where the hell she was going. And they gave a few correct guesses about it, too. 

But that was about it, before everyone lost interest in the hasty retreat, and once again turned their attentions to Harry, who was suddenly… 

~*heaven forbid…*~ 

_gone_. He had used the distraction to run… 

~*holding his robe up in Cinderella fashion and losing his sneaker in the process… Find it, Prince Draco!*~ 

*** 

Breakfast ended too soon for the Gryffindors (Double potions was their first class…)and they grumbled continuously as they left the Great Hall, making their way to the dungeons earlier than the other houses (they didn't want to be late, did they?). The Slytherins didn't care whether they were tardy or not since their BiasedInTheNameOfAllThatIsSupposedly'Good'™ professor would _never_

~*it would be sacrilege if he did*~ 

take any points off them. Unless whatever they did was extreme. But even then it would be maximum of a mere 10 points. Damn them, eh? Sure. 

Hermione, however, didn't return from wherever until the rest of the students were already going to class. Judging by the amount of books she was carrying, she had come from the library. A cheery grin was plastered on her face as she skipped over to Harry and Ron, who were desperately trying to shove napkins into the wristlet's mouth as they stood outside the Potions classroom. 

"He—mmph! Qui— Pweh! What are ya doin' ta me???" 

"Keeping you quiet!" 

"And unless you voluntarily shut up, we won't stop." 

She chuckled, slowing to a bouncy walk. 

"Stop that!" 

"Yah! Sto— GYAH!!!" 

The cloth and tissues clamped over the object, as both boys gaped openly at her. 

"WHAT!? STOP!? WHY!?" 

"ARE YOU MAD!?" 

She shook her head, "Do you even _know_ what that is?" 

They glanced at each other. 

"Hell's spawn?" 

"Second cousin to my mom's gold choker— which literally chokes?" 

She sighed exasperatedly, "No! You're both wrong!" 

"Ummm… technically…" A small, muffled voice piped up, "Red is almost right… But I'm not second. I'm third cousin, on my father's side…" 

"Red?" 

There was a snicker followed by a noisy smack that sounded rather painful. 

"Right… Actually it _is_ a special thing. In fact, very special. It comes from a series of highly expensive magical artifacts (although most of them are quite testy). They were made by a wizard, who chose to remain unnamed, as… well… practical jokes." 

"His name was ah-ctually—" 

"Practical JOKE!? Practical JOKE!? My gawd if this is what they think of _practical_, then they are WARPED! When I find out who the hell—" 

"Temper, temper, snooky." 

"Yes, calm down, Harry. You haven't heard everything." 

Harry simmered down a bit, no thanks to Ron's chortling (about the object's remark). 

"Shut up. Red." 

He immediately ceased, and let Hermione continue. 

"This particular one was designed to read the wearer's thoughts, and well, broadcast them to those around. And it _can't_ lie." 

"I noticed", he muttered. 

But Ron wasn't as unruffled, "_What_!? You mean— whatever— thing said—TRUE!?" 

"Uh, well…" 

There was a merry chirp, "3…" 

"MALFOY!?" 

"Errr…" 

"Ron…" 

"2…" 

"MY BROTHERS!?" 

"Well, they _are_ very—" 

"Harry…" 

"1…" 

"Fuck." 

Ron promptly fainted, causing Hermione to sigh and try to pick him up of the castle floor. Harry helped a bit, sliding an arm around the freckled boy's waist to stabilize him. 

"Muscles make him sex~ay, but heavy, too. Isn't that right, sweeeee~ty?" 

"Shaddup." 

Hermione patted him lightly on the cheek, effectively disregarding the metal band. He didn't respond, and they were forced to haul him into the noisy classroom, knowing full well that they would lose points from Gryffindor if they brought him to the infirmary _now_. They would have to 

~*shudder*~ 

_ask_ Snape for permission. 

Sitting Ron beside him, Harry turned to Hermione, who was seated with Neville, who was talking avidly, albeit about something boring, with an uninterested Dean and Seamus. 

"So, is there any way for me to get this off???" 

The bracelet tittered again. 

"Nev-ah!" 

"Unless whoever gave it to you wills it." Hermione gave it a pointed look, and it muttered an insincere apology. 

"So we can just stalk whoever gave it and force him to make it let go of me?" he asked, hopefully. 

"But you don't know who gave it." 

"Damn— how did you know?" 

"If you did, you would have obviously committed homicide by now." 

He grinned sheepishly, "You're right…" 

They were about to discuss more, but dear Severus strode in, his robe billowing around his feet. 

~*like an oversized umbrella*~ 

His cape fluttered gracefully behind him as he took his place in front of the class. 

~*like a stiff, superman-wannabee*~ 

"Today, we will be having new seating arrangements. By the Headmaster's order, I am to partner each Gryffindor", the word rolled of his tongue with much distaste, "with a Slytherin." 

They all groaned, but he ignored them, rattling off different pairings. 

"Weasley, Goyle. Granger, Parkinson." 

A hand rose tentatively into the air. 

"What is it, Granger?" 

"Ummm…" she motioned to Ron, "he's… indisposed at the moment. May I bring him to Madame Pomfrey?" 

He seemed to consider it for a moment, before finally grating out a reluctant 'yes'. Well, not exactly a yes. More like a silent 'He's tripped on air so many times, it's a wonder that I didn't expect this'. 

She ran out hurriedly, Ron's limp feet dragging across the floor. 

"Since two of your lot are gone", he said, addressing the Gryffindors, "two Slytherins will have the fortune to be partnered." 

Murmurs of 'unfair!' and 'awww!' were heard throughout the room, while many of the Slytherins were wishing it were them. Draco, for one, looked as if he was about to say something, but he closed his mouth when Snape called out. 

"Goyle, Parkinson." 

The class sagged, their hopes lost. Except for The Walking Boulder™ and Anything-but-floral™. They were suddenly grinning madly. The sallow man carried on with the names, finally reaching the last pair. 

"Malfoy…" 

Harry cursed inwardly, knowing that he was the only one left to be called. 

And sure enough… 

"Potter." 

DamnDamnDamnDamnDamn. 

"I don't think ya should curse, hun." 

That soft whisper almost drove him over the edge. And he was enjoying the bracelet's unusual silence, too… 

ShitShitShitShitShit. 

A certain silver-eyed Slytherin decided to plop down beside him, (with as much grace as a 'plop' would have)seeing that Harry had no intention to move. 

FuckFuckFuckFuckFuck. 

"Yes, he w~ould make a gooooood fuck…" 

Draco raised an eyebrow, and Harry's head hit the work area with a dull sound. 

*** 

Okay, so I have a weird fetish for those trademark things... sorry the chapter took long, but I was (against my will)made to practice my piano pieces. So my fingers hurt. 

So, I suppose this chapter was abrupt, too? *sigh* No matter _how_ many times I read it over, it just doesn't seem right. But maybe that's because I'm the author. Oh well. Anyway, if _you_ people see anything wrong, be sure to tell me, ok? Thanks! 


	4. Something-Lacking-A-Title-4

Whee!!!! Hello there, peeps!!! Thanks for the reviews, again! I looooove you all! Anyhoo, I think that's all I can say, besides that Valentine's Day was particularly lousy for me. I almost got banned from the computer!!! *pouts* But I didn't. *grins* So I was able to indulge myself in slashy goodness. Yey! *waves little Harry/Draco flag around* Slynedel, FINISH YOUR GODDAMN FIC!!! Umm... Ok, then...

Formalities:

-Don't own 'em, but wish (in the name of peanut-buttered Oreos™) that I did.

-This is **SLASH**. Don't go blaming/flaming me for not making some squicky Harry/Cho fic instead.

~*SWISS!!!*~

***

Silver eyes scanned a piece of parchment, lazily, not caring exactly _what_ the potion was supposed to do. At the same time, he was trying to pay no attention to the disturbing appearance

~*MONSTER!!!*~

of his partner.

"He ain't that distressed."

A hushed voice piped up, amidst the almost inaudible chatter in the room. Students were all absorbed in their work, discussing the potion's ingredients and preparation instructions. Nobody heard Mr. Malfoy's unusual conversation with a band of metal.

Draco looked at the bracelet and cocked his head to the side.

"Oh really?"

"He~ll yeah! He's just— oh, eww!"

"What's 'eww'?"

"Sick, sick, sick!!!"

"What's sick?"

The armlet seemed to shudder, then a noise strangely reminiscent of somebody taking a deep breath was heard.

"Snape. In. Lingerie."

Malfoy choked, obviously nauseated.

"Ugh."

"Green negligee, at that… With be~lls."

He blanched, "TMI, thank you…"

"You're wayl~come."

He closed his eyes tightly, muttering about 'not wanting to see the world from Harry's point of view. Ever.' Then reopened them after clearing some spectacular mental images from his perturbed mind. And also after he heard peculiar banging sounds from his left.

Bang.

Bang.

Bang.

People stared at Harry, who kept his head steadily colliding with the table.

Bang.

Bang.

Bang.

His friends were apparently too shocked to do anything.

The blond shot the piece of jewellery a questioning glance, and it simply replied, "He's in denial."

The banging unexpectedly stopped, as if Harry had decided to listen.

"Denial? What about?"

"How gooooorgeous he thinks you are."

"He thinks I'm gorgeous?"

"Like a go~d!"

"Specify."

"Adonis. Nooo, wa~yt—Narcissus."

"Hey!"

"He thinks yer quite va~in, but still a 'bloody handsome git'."

"Ah.

Draco grinned, a devious look passing fleetingly over his features, and leaned towards the brunette next to him. Almost brushing his lips against the other's ear, he whispered.

"Is that right?"

There was a muffled 'no' coming from Golden Boy, who's head was now inertly connected to the desk.

"He's in de~nial, remember?"

Carved lips quirked up in a smirk.

"But he thinks you have an irresistible voice…"

Another mumble of protest.

"And beautiful eyes."

"How beautiful?"

"Enough to get him sickeningly poetic."

A loud 'Never!' was said through gritted teeth.

The Slytherin rolled his eyes.

"De-ni-al…"

"Yep."

The Boy Who Lived

~*Stupid™*~

shook his head vigorously, indicating his disagreement. But that only provoked the bracelet into doing some sort of dance and twirl on Harry's wrist and chirping in a singsong voice.

"He wants to seduce you, Drakkie!"

"Drakkie?"

"Drakkie."

"Seduce me?"

"Mm~Hmm!"

Draco placed a delicate finger on his rival's thigh and traced a gentle circle on it. Potter shivered educing a chuckle from him.

"Well, well, well…"

"…Shag you…"

He caressed it some more and he could have sworn he heard the other boy moan softly.

"Shag me… Heh."

"He wants to pin you to the classroom floor with kisses."

"Why won't he?"

"Snape. And he's a bit lost, too."

"Ah."

"And has no tact whatsoever when addressing precious magical objects. The nerve of him. I am _not_ a deformed toenail clipper!"

"No, you definitely aren't."

There was a snort and Harry raised his head a bit.

"Ooh, siding with an inanimate object, eh? I suppose you've gone stark raving mad? It took you long enough, what with hanging around with _those_."

He gestured towards Crabbe, Goyle, and then Pansy.

~*Goldi-slut and the Two Half-brains*~

"It helps me humiliate you."

"Fuck you."

Draco suddenly grabbed his enemy's chin, forcing him to look into his eyes.

"Be my guest."

Harry's breath got caught in his throat, then, abandoning all sense, he pulled the blond into a searing kiss.

The other boy pulled away instantly, surprised. But in the process, he knocked their bubbling cauldron of the desk and spilled its (made beforehand) contents all over the floor.

The whole class, which _was_ previously oblivious to the going-ons with Harry and Draco, were now looking at the two intently.

They watched in… horror (I think? Or maybe awe… or shock?) as ice formed over it (meaning the floor!) immediately, and soon the dungeons were at least three degrees colder than before.

Oh, so _that's_ what the potion does!

Draco looked very distressed, but not as much as his partner, who moaned and buried his head in his hands.

"I _so_ did not do that…" 

***

Bad, worse, or worst? Worst? Hah! I knew it! Am I psychic or what? Hehe. R&R? As usual, I wouldn't mind if you didn't, but would be very happy if you did.


	5. Something-Lacking-A-Title-5

Hullo!!! Has it been long? Probably not... THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS! I love you! You're all so nice to meeeeee! Except for Slynedel. *glare* Next chapter, please? Right. Anyway this is most likely as bad as the last chapters, and just as confusing, but don't blame me! I haven't been able to think very well lately. But I guess that's because I'm writing, when I'm supposed to be studying right now. Exams. Che. Don't care. No, Keena, I will _not_ teach you how to survive exams without studying. Figure it out for yourself. Sooooo, just for blatant fic advertising, read Effeminate's fic! The one about the pencil and sharpener! Lol. It's cute, in this twistedly weird and funny way. Yes, I like the asterisks, too.

Formalities:

-MINEMINEMINE!!! *fingers crossed*

-This is **SLASH**. Don't start blaming/flaming me if this isn't the Harry/Ginny fic you're looking for.

~*Mozzarella! Why didn't I think of _that_ before???*~

***

"50 points from Gryffindor! For sexual harassment…" 

There was a glance towards Draco, who had mysteriously dropped from his seat when the potion spilled, and so his robes were apparently stuck to the floor. 

~*Snape: My poor baby!*~ 

He would deal with his prized student later. 

"…Freezing the classroom, wasting perfectly good ingredients, and ruining your Glacialis draft!" 

Snape hovered menacingly above Harry, his displeasure radiating off him in undulating waves. The young boy merely hung his head, whether in shock or shame I wouldn't know. But whatever it was, it prevented him from voicing out even a feeble protest. 

Neither could anybody else 

~*not that they _would_ protest if they could, mind you*~ 

because, having no clue to the events before the kiss, it was the only thing they saw. And they were horror-stricken. Especially Ron, who now viewed his former best friend as a traitor. In fact, he hurled a rather mangled root at the raven-haired boy, 

~*if the other Gryffindors could move, they pro'lly would've done the same, but for a different reason…*~ 

but sadly missed by a good few inches. 

~*Work on your aim, Ron!*~ 

Severus's eyes narrowed in Ron's direction, before sweeping their gaze towards The Boy Who Lived. 

~*_Extremely_ stupid™*~ 

"Detention, Potter. You will meet me after dinner tonight." 

~*Snape: Try not to eat anything. I'll be preparing a wonderful candlelit dinner for us to-day!*~ 

He didn't say anything, and Snape continued. 

"Because your head wasn't hit by Weasley's obviously poorly aimed projectile." 

~*Snape: Like, DUH!*~ 

There was a slight nod, and then the melanin-impoverished professor whirled around in an over-dramatic flurry of robes to face the fallen Draco. 

"And you too, Mr. Malfoy." 

~*Snape: And you'll be joining us, too! It's a formal dinner, so please wear you _best_ evening _gown_!*~ 

The Slytherin, who had finally ripped his garb from the icy grasp of frozen stone, gave him the most innocent look he could muster while looking quite… dishevelled. 

"Sir? But whhhy? I didn't do anything!" 

The older man paid no heed to him and just stalked back to the front of the classroom. The blond was almost positive he heard the former mutter something about 'having bad taste'. 

A cheeky voice suddenly piped up. Its back… 

"He's one ta talk! I've 'eard from me mum that he had this fli~ng with James Pott-ah." 

Harry visibly cringed at that, and Draco couldn't help but smirk. 

The bracelet continued. 

"Don't worry, hon. Snape was incredible in bed…" 

Widdle Golden Boy wasn't looking so golden anymore. In fact, he was a nasty shade of green. He looked like he was about to hurl. 

"Why're you so disgusted? Weren't you the one with sick little professor-in-lingerie fantasies?" 

"It-s diff'rent for him~!" 

"How so?" 

"Thinkaboutit! Snape in lingerie. Snape in bed. There's a difference!" 

"One is wearing something, the other isn't?" 

"Exactly!" 

I think Harry just lost his lunch… 

I think Snape doesn't look very happy… 

I definitely thought right. 

"POTTER! YOU WILL CLEAN THAT MESS RIGHT NOW AND WILL STAY AFTER CLASS FOR SLANDERING A TEACHER!" 

"But I didn't—" 

"I HEARD YOU LOUD AND CLEAR! _James Potter, indeed!_" 

If Harry had no dignity whatsoever, he would be in tears from the sheer frustration the metal band was providing him with. 

Of course, _it_ knew that. If truth be told, _it_ was _revelling_ in it. 

"That's me whole pur~pose, luv!" 

"Erg. I know…" he murmured, evidently distressed, as he bent over the work area, cleaning his regurgitated lunch. 

*** 

Harry was out of it for the rest of the day, after having to endure Snape's heated lecture on how 'he had enough taste to avoid any kind of intimate relationship with James 

~*fecking*~ 

Potter' (although the Potions Master was turning an interesting shade of scarlet as he said this), courtesy of one blond Slytherin. He engaged in a few mishaps in class, one of which involving spoons, a banana, and Neville's boxers. 

~*Eugh*~ 

No, I will not elaborate. Let's just say that somebody will not be having a very tasty dinner. 

~*Double eugh*~ 

As if that wasn't bad enough, he had a hell of a time dodging Creevey on the way to Transfiguration. The camera-wielding boy (nuisance) was enough to give anybody photophobia. Or whatever the fear of photography is. And if there isn't such a phobia, then The Boy Who Lived™ was the first to have it. Right. And he also had to do so while trying to prevent the bracelet from telling Colin that he was 'a sweet, sexy kid, but an acute case of pain in the arse! And not Harry-lamb's type, either.' 

~*Harry-lamb. Hairy lamb. I don't wanna think about that.*~ 

But as good things come, it was at last, dinner. 

And sure enough, a few minutes after the entrée was served, Pansy Parkinson screamed 

~*a very un-girly scream, at that. Something like a howling coyote with a toothache. She sounds like that when she sings, too. Only worse.*~ 

before jumping from the Slytherin table and racing out the Great Hall. She spilled her plate in the process, by the way. See the yellow polka-dotted fabric? No? Well, let me tell you, Pansy probably has Neville-germs now. Sickening, eh? 

Back to Potter. 

He was frantically shoving food down his throat like there was no tomorrow. No doubt he was preparing himself for Snape's indisputably horrible detention. Which he had to spend with Malfoy, no less.

"Which you'd probably enjoy…"

A coy voice whispered.

"Go away."

"I can't. Until— _he_ wills me to."

"Until _who_ wills you to?"

"_He_."

"Who's _he_?"

"Not telling."

"Okaaaay. Then just shut up will you?"

The 'Okay' was kind of strained…

"Fine, but don't expect me to be gone too long…"

There was an almost imperceptible amusement in its tone. It made Harry nervous.

He quickened his eating pace,

~*as if the rate he was going wasn't already enough to make him puke. Again.*~

not wanting the bangle to do whatever mortification it was planning for him in the presence of the whole school. 

Chicken. Potato. Gravy. Ham. Cheese. Juice. Chicken. Potato. Gravy. Ham. Cheese. Juice. Me thinks he was developing a pattern… 

But that's irrelevant. After a minute or two, he had effectively cleared his plate, albeit he was a bit bloated. 

"A bit desperate, aren't you?" _it_ stated, rather than asked. 

"Ugh." Was the most decent reply he could manage. 

*** 

Harry trudged through the corridor, after realizing a few moments ago that he didn't _know_ where to meet Snape for detention. He had just come from the Gryffindor commons, where he spent some time waiting for Malfoy, etc. to finish dinner. Now, however, he was wandering around aimlessly, while contemplating about whether or not he should just skip detention. He had only decided to do so, rounding a corner, when he ran straight into a _certain_ blond. They fell over in a heap, with Draco on top. 

~*insert random smiley-face here*~ 

And of course, a cute li'l bracelet can't very well keep quiet whilst in the company of such a compromising position. 

"Mmmm…! Con~tact…" 

The Slytherin's previously glazed eyes suddenly widened at that, and he scrambled off Harry, who looked like he was trying to calm his raging… hormones. 

~*Haha! Got ya there!*~ 

They got up awkwardly, faces flushed, and were silent for a moment, until… 

"Whoo-baby! I can _feel_ the tension! Se-xu-al!" 

Which prompted them to speak. 

"Where have you _been_, Potter? We have detention, don't you remember? Or has it slipped your non-existent mind? 

"I didn't know where we were supposed to meet Snape." He answered simply, not wanting to begin another verbal war. 

"My god, Potter! 

~*does he even have one? I thought he might be an atheist, or something…*~ 

If you were to look for a _POTIONS_ MASTER where should you check first?" 

"Uh… _potions_ classroom?" 

"I'm amazed at how long it took you to figure that out." He said, sardonically. 

"Well, _sorry_! I've been a bit _stressed_ lately!" he indicated the object encasing his wrist. 

"That's no excuse. Come on, before he takes more points off your house." 

"As if you care." 

"True enough." 

They walked towards the dungeons, just a _fraction_ too close to each other, shivering slightly whenever their hands or shoulders brushed. They didn't notice the bangle's almost inaudible giggle, and its delighted smirk. 

***

Yes, yes, I know. Another short one. Sucky, isn't it? *sigh* Well, so much for improvement. Hmph. He probably abandoned me for some other fic. But I don't care, as long as he abandoned me for _Slynedel's_ fic. Not that it needs improvement. It just needs THE NEXT CHAPTER!!! JEEZ! Hehe. *innocent smile*

R&R? I wouldn't mind if you didn't, but I'd be terribly grateful if you did!


	6. Something-Lacking-A-Title-6

WHEE!!! I'm so happeeeeeee! All you reviewers are so nice!!! ThankyouThankyouThankyou! My exams are over, just as Effeminate stated, so I'll try to write more. That is, if Fics-Which-Are-Much-Better-Than-Mine aren't distracting me… Hehe. Anyway… Wait… uh… Yeah. I think that's all I wanted to say. Except that all of you people who are reading are wonderful!!! *grins*

Formalities:

-Ummm… They're not mine… But could I buy them for a buck? No? Fine… *pout*

-This is **SLASH**. You know, the boy snog boy kind of thing? MmHmm, so don't flame me if you're homophobic, or something, k? Ok.

~*Gorgonzola… The name sounds so… weird*~

*** 

They reached the potions classroom without the slightest peep from the bracelet. Well, ok, maybe a few random Harry-thoughts (about corsets and what it would be like to see Draco in a thong) it was voicing out. Other than that, and Harry's utter humiliation, everything was fine. Unless you counted the fact that they were going to step into the world of detention with _Snape_… 

They gingerly stepped into the room, squinting their eyes in the dim lighting. The potions master was there, in all his greasy glory, watching over what seemed to be sickening green sludge. 

"Doesn't look vey-ry appeal~ing, does it?" 

The bangle snickered, and WundaBoi had to agree. 

Malfoy, however, was focused on Severus, who was now looking almost amused (in a manic, sadistic, derisive Snape sort of way) at them. 

"Ah, the great Mr. Potter has finally arrived. How nice of you to join us." 

"Sorry, professor, I was ju—" 

"Enough. Thank you for retrieving him, Mr. Malfoy. As for you, 10 points from Gryffindor. You're already late, and we have wasted much time." 

Draco smirked, casting a sideward glance at the ebony-haired teenager, who glowered back at him. Their little staring contest, however, was halted by the unctuous tones of dear old Sevvie 

~*Did I just call him that? The more rational part of my brain is telling me to be traumatized*~ 

cutting through the stuffy atmosphere. 

"So, before we— or you, I should say—begin, to what do I owe the pleasure of having you two here?" 

"O~oh! O~oh! Tonsil hockey in the class~rooooom!" 

You all know what that was… 

Snape pointedly ignored the wristlet, "Well?" 

"Ermmm…m-misbehaviour?" Harry ventured, cheeks tinged red, while his blond companion kept his mouth shut. Just in case. 

"I suppose you could call it that." 

He eyed the Gryffindor with obvious dislike. 

"And why exactly are miscreants like you rewarded with detention for such insolent acts?" 

He blatantly addressed Harry, laying no blame upon his cherished 

~*Snape: Draco, sweetie, of _course_ you didn't do anything wrong! I'll make that baaaaad Gryffindor pay!*~ 

student. 

"Uh, punishment?" 

Draco coughed something that suspiciously sounded like 'torture'. 

"Exactly!" 

The professor hissed, lips turning up in a crooked smile. 

The shackle around Harry's wrist could be heard humming a tune vaguely similar to a funeral march. 

"Now, if you'll listen carefully, I will explain to you your predicament. We have here Professor Sprout's genetically altered Clematis leaves. Or the Virgin's Bower, if you like." 

~*Virgin's Bower… ::snicker::*~ 

"You two," he said wickedly, "will be mixing these into a potion I have prepared, _properly_. I will be providing you with instructions. After doing so, both of you must try the concoction, and will spend the whole night, if necessary, watching out for and listing down its side-effects." 

Draco opened his mouth to speak, but was stopped by Snape's harsh voice. 

"Yes, Mr. Malfoy, I am very much aware that it is poisonous." 

Harry let out an audible gasp, muffling the bracelet's soft snickers of 'dead, dead, deeeeaaaaad!!!' 

"_But_, we have effectively eliminated its toxic potency, so you need not worry." He seemed slightly disappointed as he said this, "Oh, and before I forget, you will be doing this _alone_. That is, without _my_ supervision. I have more important matters to take care of than babysitting the likes of you. Now get going. I will be checking up on your progress later, although I'm sure you'll be fine, with Mr. Malfoy being an outstanding student and all." 

And with that, he promenaded 

~*HUAHAHAHAHA!!!*~ 

out the door, robes lifting slightly and displaying his… legs, 

~*Oh the horror.*~ 

sparing an apologetic look at the only member of his house. 

Said member began. 

"Right. Let's get going. The sooner we start, the farther away I can get from you and your perverted gay hormones." 

Harry clenched his fists at that, ordering himself to stay calm. 

"As if _you_ aren't gay!" 

"Yeah, well, at least I look gay!" he chuckled good-naturedly, flaunting his feminine features, "And I'm quite stunning, at that!" 

"_Yeah right_!" 

"Yeah, I'm right, aren't I? Compared to you? I say, have you set Snape as your role model? You know, greasy hair is a real turn off." 

"Oh, I'm sorry, are you talking about yourself again? It's not very healthy, you know! People might just think you're egocentric, or something equally as preposterous!" 

"I suppose if my name was Harry Potter…" 

"And it isn't. Harry Potter is _much_ too good a name for an unflattering prick like you." 

"But I'm gooooooorgeous!" 

"No you're not!" 

"Yes I am! You thought so yourself!" 

"No way!" 

"Oh? Just ask your little 'friend' over there. It'll set you straight." 

He cocked his head the armlet, which let out a squeaky chirp. 

"Yupyup~yup! And he's had dr~eams of ya in all ki~nds of skimpy thangs!" 

"Really, Potter! It's a wonder how people can still view you as an innocent!" 

"Shaddup. Let's just _do it_, ok?" 

"_Do it_? That came out sounding really bad, you know…" 

"Ve~ry, ve~ry bad!" 

"Look, Malfoy, get it right, I would _never_ gain an interest in _you_, of all people." 

The blond turned to the piece of silver, "Do you recall our little conversation on _denial_?" 

Harry growled. 

"Oh ye~s, and, Ooh! Hot, sex~ay bitch, eh?" 

His face flushed, and his Slytherin acquaintance continued. 

"Don't forget that kiss! He put so much _feeling_ into it!" 

"Pass~ion! And…" 

It sniggered, "Corsets!!!" 

"And just _how_ would I look in a thong, Potter?" 

He couldn't take it anymore, and, green eyes flashing, he yelled. 

"OK! I GOT IT! Alright? Fine. I _do_ think you're cute. Sexy. Gorgeous. Beautiful. All that stuff, ok? Happy now?" 

Two voices echoed around the room. 

"De~finitel-ay!" 

"Hell yeah." 

Harry groaned, "So, can we just finish this? Snape said we'd take all night, if necessary." 

Malfoy nodded, smirking triumphantly, and they both set up to work, arranging containers and unfolding the tattered parchment of instructions 

~*Hand-written by Snape, so you better watch out, boys and girls, or you'll get infected by his teacher bacteria!*~ 

the potions master had left for them. 

Soon, a work area held a few glass phials, the green puke-like goo, a large, rusty cauldron 

~*Magical equivalent of cheap Tupperware™*~ 

some extra ingredients they needed to add, and the Clematis leaves. Not to mention a stirrer and ladle. 

Then, they perused the paper, taking in the contents. 

_Clematis, or Virgin's Bower_

_From the Family Ranunculaceae _

_Origins: USA, NC; Eurasia, Africa_

There was a magical post-it note-like thing attached under the last line, telling the boys that Sprout's seeds were imported, meaning she only had a limited supply of them so they 'better not fu—fark it up!' 

Below the general information, which was surprisingly taken from a muggle book, was the procedure they were supposed to follow for brewing the potion. There was a series of steps and methods, ranging from stirring styles 

~*it's all in the wrist! No, not the bracelet…*~ 

to fluidity in dropping ingredients. And after that read the title of the mixture. 

_Veneficus Venenum_

And they could tell that even if they didn't think forward to the time when they would have to ingest the liquid—if it was even going to _be_ liquid, it looked like it was gonna turn out as one hell of a job. 

***

It's just as short as the rest, but something tells me that it's the worst of all the current chapters… *sigh* I'm blessed with craptacular writing skills… 

Oh, and the plant detention thing was courtesy of Kayla… (z_swastika1076@yahoo.com) I just modified it. I'll tell you the original idea in the next chapter. Yeah, and Clematis isn't that poisonous. It just kinda makes your mouth reeeeaaalllly painful when you ingest it... 

R&R? Wouldn't mind if you didn't, but would be incredibly happy if you did!


	7. Something-Lacking-A-Title-7

Right then, first things first, THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REVIEWS!!!! *is happy* You people make me feel loved! With the exception of Effeminate and Snape's Lingerie of course. Anyhoo, I don't know what to do about the author's notes... ^^;;; Hehe, maybe you should do what I do when I re-read my chapters: read the sentence, read the author's note (wherever it may appear), read the next sentence, check if I am confused, read the sentences, skipping the author's note just to straighten things up within my muddled head. Didn't get that? Neither did I. Just try ok? I don't know how to fix it... But if you have any ideas, be nice and suggest it. Unless it's that thing where you put a number beside the phrase or sentence or whatever you want to comment on, because that just doesn't have the same effect! ^_^ Ok, that's about all I wanted to say, I think, and THANKS AGAIN FOR THE REVIEWS!

Formalities:

-They're not mine. I'm just renting them.

-This is **SLASH**. You know, the kind when a guy sees a guy, then he falls for the guy, then he boinks the guy? Well, ok, not the boinking part. The fic is PG-13, after all... Umm... Ok... Point here is that I don't want to get any flames from people who are homophobic or something like that.

~*Gruyere, then, lol! I'll try any cheese, any time*~

***

Moments after they started, Golden Boy decided to have fun 

~*he's got a warped idea of fun*~ 

and began swaying as he pulverized some peculiar-looking berries. They were a sickly shade of mauve, and definitely didn't have the best of odours. 

Think: Dudley's socks. 

Repulsed, yet? 

Anyway, the purpose of his pert little show was to distract widdle Drakkie. 

~*and here we have somebody taking lessons from Pansy 'Repugnant' Parkinson… Drakkie. Drakkie. DrakkieDrakkieDrakkie!!!*~ 

And he was well aware that purpose wasn't being defeated. 

But then, Harry started to sing his own rather odd rendition of It's Raining Men, 

~*Be afraid, be _very_ afraid. Unless you like a singing Sexy!Harry?*~ 

despite his rational side's griping. A few minutes of the annoying tune and Draco lost all interest in his archenemy's arse. _It_ had suddenly fallen silent, too, 

~*praise the Lord, it's _quiet_!*~ 

sort of like a defence mechanism; it was blocking out the infernal noise. 

"Stop that." 

He sang louder, a wide grin twitching at his lips. 

"I said _stop._" 

And louder, forgetting all about his current task, but still unconsciously continuing it. 

"_Potter_…" 

And even louder— he was starting to giggle. 

"STOP." 

Then it seemed to transform into a maddening little buzz, like a fly with a sense of musicality. 

"SHUT UP!" 

The emerald-eyed boy became quiet.

"_Thank_ _you_!" he cried, exasperated, and then much softer, "Bloody prat…"

At that, Harry started whistling.

"UGH! Dammit, I need earmuffs! Hell, even cotton will do…"

"How about silk?"

He rolled his eyes, "Oh, why ever not?"

"—lined handcuffs?"

"Pervert."

"Only when you're around."

"You weren't doing that earlier!"

"Yeah, well you forced it out of me. It's your fault."

"Blatant arse-bandit."

"And what a nice arse, at that!"

Draco rolled his eyes, "Oh yes, indeed. Can we just finish this already?"

"I'm being distracted."

"Well, so am I!"

"So we're even, then?"

"You're hopeless."

"I like to think so, too."

He smacked the back of Harry's head, "If you're done, I think we better mix that in before you overdo it."

The black-haired boy looked at what he was grinding.

"Oops. Hehe… Okay, then."

They meticulously scraped the mush from the bottom of the mortar and dumped it in the cauldron, which held thick, boiling, moss-colored slush. It sizzled as the berries tipped into it, before turning into something roughly the shade of crap.

Harry reached over to the instructions, reading the next step. His eyes darted back and forth on the paper, then haphazardly put it down.

"We're supposed to wait 10 minutes, add the Clematis leaves, and then stir anti-clockwise 7 times."

"Alright. At least we have a little break…"

"Yeah. So, what should we do?"

"What do you mean _we_?"

"Well, we're stuck _together_, right?"

"I'm not doing anything with you."

"But we just—"

"Anything _voluntary_."

"Are you sure? I've got some… interesting ideas."

"I'm not sure I want to know what 'interesting' is to you."

"Rest assured, it involves whipped cream and chocolate syrup 99.9% of the time."

"Ice cream?"

"No. _You_."

Draco sputtered, eliciting a laugh from his rival.

"You're evil."

"No, _you_ are. Remember, you're an Evil Overlord In Training™."

"And you're Virtue Personified™?"

"Of course not, silly! Virtue doesn't have hot, erotic fantasies about wild monkey sex with her archenemy, now does she?"

"And you do?"

"What do you think?"

"Riiiight. Goddamn bracelet… I wish it would wake up or whatever… I need somebo—thing to talk to besides highly-aroused Potter over here!"

"Heyyyyyy! How would _you_ know if I'm aroused!?"

Draco coughed, gesturing at Harry's crotch area.

"Oh, so you _looking_ at it, weren't you? Naughty, naughty…"

"Well, it's kind of hard not to notice if somebody stuffed a watermelon down their pants."

The emerald-eyed boy stuck his tongue out at him.

"Are you planning to use that?"

"Nah. Not now, anyway. Maybe later."

"Later?"

"After the potion is finished, so we won't have to stop midway."

"And who says I'm actually going to participate?"

"I'll find some way to make you."

"Just try."

"I think I will."

Draco glared at him, and then at Harry's wristwatch, as if willing time to go faster.

"Well, aren't you anxious to jump me!"

"No I'm not! I just want to leave! To get away! From you, even!"

"That's not very nice…"

"Was I ever nice?"

"Come to think of it, no."

"There. So it's justified."

"Whatever."

"Right. 10 minutes are up…"

"Best news I've heard. We can finish this up, and then I'll leave you alone to wank yourself until Snape comes to check up on us. You can tell him that I left earlier; he won't mind."

"As if! We still have to list the side-effects, remember?"

"Oh yeah… But what if the side-effects only appear after 24 hours, or something???"

"I think he only wants the _immediate_ side-effects."

"Oh?"

Harry nodded, just as the Slytherin sighed.

"Damn this…"

The brunette couldn't prevent his smirk, so instead settled for trying to hide it using the pretense of adding the Clematis leaves.

His adversary growled, obviously annoyed, and grabbed the stirrer, which was lying motionless on the table.

He waited patiently for the other to finish, before reaching over and swirling the mixture anti-clockwise.

~*You'd think the British had something against clocks… 'anti-clockwise'*~

"Well, I think that's it."

"You sure?"

"MmHmm, we did everything on the parchment…"

"Great. Now why don't you chug it all down and I'll see what happens to you? After all, one less Potter in the world isn't such a bad thing, right?"

"How 'bout I shove it up or arse instead and we'll see how it affects your anal retentive disposition?"

"How about we both take it in the hospital wing? That way, we're prepared."

"And what'll Snape say when he finds us both gone?"

"Uh… Hopefully he'll just drop dead upon finding out that his most aesthetically-pleasing student has gone missing from the premises?"

"…"

He gave the Gryffindor a relatively uncharacteristic grin.

"Let's just get on with this."

"You want to get it on?"

WHAP.

"Owwie! Wha' wuzzat for?"

"You already know."

"True… But you're the one who suggested it…"

"_Now_ look who's getting perverted."

"You're merely rubbing off on me."

"Well, if you stayed I could corrupt you some more, hmm?"

The Boy Who Lived winked seductively. Draco scoffed.

"All the more reason to leave."

"Fiiiiiiine. Let's just _do this_ already! The stuff gives off the impression of being corrosive…"

"_Do this_?"

"Get your mind out of the gutter, sterilize it, and when you're finally purged of all impurity you can help me with this goddamn potion."

"Whatever you say, O Great One."

"Good boy. Now c'mon, I'll give you a treat if you lend me hand here."

A pair of silver eyes rolled.

"Oh, yey. Woof woof."

He suddenly felt something being shoved into his hands, and looked down to see a steaming goblet of… of… whatever the hell that disgusting substance is. After turning the heat off and making sure that the concoction wasn't eating through the cauldron-bottom,

~*Or else dear Percy would be _devastated_!*~

the teen with him ladled some of the dung-coloured goo into his own cup.

"Malfoy…"

He looked at the other boy.

"Yes?"

"On the count of three. One… Two… Three!"

He downed half the contents in one gulp, before looking at the arrogant boy beside him. Who had not ingested a single drop.

"MALFOY!!!!"

"What!? I never agreed, you know!"

Harry glowered at him, until an image from the back of his head emerged, causing to smile a decidedly evil smile.

"Alright. Have it your way."

A flaxen eyebrow arched at him, when he consumed the rest of the brew.

Draco was about to ask the other how it tasted, but wasn't able to get very far with the question because a warm mouth was unexpectedly latched on to his, with a tongue forcing ill-tasting liquid through his lips. He was obliged to swallow all of it, gagging as soon as the raven-haired boy released him.

There was a distinct hush as both felt their heads spin slightly for a moment. Then it was all gone, as if the lightheadedness was never there at all.

"_That_ was revolting beyond words."

"Which? The potion or the kiss?"

"I'm not sure… Probably the potion because you taste like strawberries. I like strawberries…"

"Ummm… Malfoy? Are you alright?"

"Yes, why?"

"You just told me I tasted like strawberries…"

"I did?"

"Yes…"

"When?"

"Just now…"

"You're delusional."

"Am I? So I was just imagining it when you tasted like mint?"

"Of course. I don't eat mint."

They both blinked, realizing just how strange they sounded, with Draco wondering where in bloody hell the strawberry comment came from and Harry about how on earth he analyzed Draco's flavour as mint.

They shuddered simultaneously, as unquestionably lascivious mental pictures of each other fluttered in their mind's eye.

~*mental pictures that I will not elaborate on for this is only a PG-13 rated fic, therefore I can not be explicit about such wayward imagery*~

Each one inhaled sharply, feeling heat encompass them as certain… organs in their body responded to the visual stimuli. They exhaled slowly, not one daring to break the abrupt silence. Well… except for…

"Oh gods no… Please, _don't_ let this be the potion… _Please_!"

Draco glanced at the wizard muttering beside him, internally echoing his pleas. When the murmurs died down, replaced by soft laughter, a dreadful feeling washed over him. Gradually, Hogwarts' Golden Boy lifted his head up and stared with bottle green eyes, which held a mischievous twinkle in them.

Something was weird here.

He suddenly pounced on the Slytherin, making him trip over, and pinned him to the dungeons' cold, stone floor. He reddened as he felt Wonder Boy's weight settle on top of him.

Definitely the potion?

Harry cupped Draco's cheek, smiling deviously at the now flustered boy. His finger traced down to the other's chin, and slid under it. He tilted the blonde's face up, jade orbs studying its flushed features. Then slowly he pressed a moist kiss on the Slytherin boy's lush lips. He felt his rival press closer to him, then swiftly, as if doubtful all of a sudden, try to wriggle out. This only served to cause… unnecessary friction. Harry stilled the other boy with his body.

"What is it, Dra~co?"

"Snape." Was the flat reply.

"What about the oily git?"

"If he suddenly walks in here?"

"We tell him that we really did think it was part of the side-effects, and so just went along with it?"

"What kind of side-effect is that!?"

"Err… It can consequently act as a homosexuality-inducing aphrodisiac?"

He opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by another sloppy kiss. He felt the other boy slide his tongue into his mouth, tasting every nook of the moist cavern and caressing the roof of his mouth. He responded fervently, shoving his own tongue at Harry's, battling passionately for control for a while. They broke away, panting.

"Sounds… good enough to… me."

***

Short and crappy. I think that's becoming the new motto for my chapters, don't you think so? *pouts* I don't think I'll ever learn... Anyway, I promised to give you Kayla's original idea, right? Right. Here it is, and I quote:

"Taste-test the boiled leaves of Sprout's new hybrid plant produced from combining belladonna and poison ivy DNA, which is made to be a digestive-problem-cure-all, but instead became a homosexuality-inducing aphrodisiac."

Lol, I just love that. ^_^

Anyway, R&R? Wouldn't mind if you didn't, but would be incredibly happy if you did! 


	8. Pointless— I think...

Oh, THANK YOU for all the charming reviews I've been getting. I'm incredibly sorry that this isn't the next chapter, but I'll be going away for a while. *sighs* You've all been great (and I'm sure you already know who the exceptions are) to me! Anyhow, keep the reviews coming and I promise while I'm away I'll try to finish up the next chapters so that I'll be able to post them immediately when I've returned.

~Chocolate Hugs and Hershey's Kisses, Pythia ^_________^

You people make me feel loved! 3


End file.
